When human and dog goals clash

When human and dog goals clash, progress stalls. Here’s how to spot misalignment and build a path forward that works for both of you.

We often talk about training as though it’s a one-way street: we have a goal, we work with the dog to get there. Job done.

But here’s the thing: dogs have goals too.

Sometimes, our goals and theirs line up beautifully. We want a calm, relaxed walk, and so do they. We want to sit in the garden and do nothing, and they’re right there beside us. Bliss.

What about when the goals don’t match?

We want them to settle while we have a Zoom call. They want to bark at the squirrel on the fence.

We want them to be ok alone for a few hours. They want to be wherever we are.

We want them to stop reacting to other dogs on walks. They want the scary dog across the road to go away right now.

And here’s where it gets tricky: most “behaviour problems” happen because our goals are clashing.

We’re trying to get from A to B. They're trying to feel safe, or to release energy, or to explore the world. We’re focused on outcomes. They’re focused on the present moment.

Whose Goal Matters More?

This isn’t about giving in or letting your dog run the show. It’s about listening and adapting.

Your dog isn’t being “difficult” when they dig their heels in on a walk, or bark, or pace when left alone. They’re trying to solve a problem in the only way they know how.

What if we saw those moments as information rather than misbehaviour?

What if, instead of pushing harder for our goal, we paused and asked: “What’s your goal here, dog?”

Realignment: It’s a Two-Way Process

When our goals are misaligned, the answer isn’t to drag the dog over to our side. It’s to meet somewhere in the middle.

Start with curiosity. What does your dog need right now? Safety? Space? Connection?

Then, build from there.

🟢 Want them to rest more during the day? Help them feel safe enough to switch off.

🟢 Want calmer walks? Let them sniff, choose direction, and move at their pace.

🟢 Want to leave them home alone? Work out what helps them feel secure first.

This shift - from training for behaviour to supporting for wellbeing - is where the magic happens.

Final Thought

When our dogs struggle, it’s rarely because they’re “naughty” or “manipulative” (both human concepts, by the way). It’s usually because they’re trying to meet their own needs, in a world that doesn’t always make sense to them.

Alignment doesn’t mean giving up on your goals. It means finding a shared path, one where both you and your dog feel seen, heard, and supported.

And from that place, real progress becomes possible.

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Want to Learn More?

Stephie is a dog professional specialising in trauma-informed behavioural support for shouty-barky dogs, dogs with separation anxiety, and sensitive rescues.

Join her on facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/TheShoutyBarkyDogGroup

And when you're ready for a truly consultative approach to building trust with your sensitive dog, reach out for a chat here:

💚 www.CalmerCanines.co.uk/chat 💚

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